Discussing the rising cases of divorce in the country, Foluke Daramola-Salako was brought invited to LTV 8’s mid-day talk-show, to speak from her experience in that regards.
At what point is it right to walk out of a marriage, she was asked. Foluke answered, “As for me, I’m a feminist, and I wouldn’t take any type of abuse from any man. My happiness is what’s paramount to me, and once one is not happy or fulfilled in a marriage, it’s best to take a walk.”
On the ingredients needed to make a marriage work, Foluke said, “Friendship is very important. I’ve also learnt over time that for you to say you want to commit to someone, it goes beyond just falling in love. It’s about understanding and friendship. If you are lucky to find your friend in a spouse, it’s going to solve a lot of issues for you. It was only as I grew older that I realized the importance of friendship in marriage. I used to think it was all about butterflies in the tummy, and the guy exciting you…you know the Mills and Boons kind of love that we read about, but it doesn’t work that way,” she quipped.
Foluke also shared the story of the Samaritan woman in the Holy Bible who offered Jesus Christ water at the well to buttress the importance of friendship in a relationship. She said, “The woman had being married many times, but Jesus said she still wasn’t in her husband’s house even though that was her sixth husband, and there were many factors he would have considered before saying that. So what would we call the other men she had married before, friends? There’s a difference between the English law, the Bible, and morality. In Nigeria, we have gotten it all mixed up. The first and foremost thing that is important to every human being is your joy and happiness. If you’re not happy somewhere, there’s no reason to stay because you can even lose your life in the process. Look at the case of Mrs. Arowolo that was killed by her husband. She’s dead now, and her child has been left an orphan (his father was sentenced to life imprisonment). She’s a victim of circumstance. If she had taken the bold step to walk out of that marriage, perhaps she’ll still be alive today. I am not a person who advocates for divorce, even though I’m a feminist. Thank God for the kind of man I married; he’s also a human rights activist. In my first attempt at marriage, I got it mixed-up. I got married because every other person was getting married, and coming out of it was hell, because I was thinking of all the things that the society would say. I was ultimately killing myself because when I came out of that marriage, my self-esteem and morale was gone. It was like I was starting afresh. However, I don’t think that you should compromise your joy and happiness for anything. It doesn’t make you less of a human being; it only means that it’s not working. If it doesn’t work with Mr. A, it can work with Mr. B; and Mr. A can also make it work with someone else. The English people that brought this law to us divorce at random because they know that their happiness is paramount.
On how religion comes to play in divorce, because most do not support divorce, Foluke said, “My pastor told me that it’s better to be happily separated than to be sadly married.”
The discussants also held the view that women often found themselves with the short end of the stick in the issue of divorce, as the culture permits men to get away with many things, while women are often saddled with the responsibility of keeping a marriage together.
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